In Pursuit of Happiness

I caught a video on TEDtalks the other night courtesy of recommendation of colleagues. It was a video by Shawn Achor (video embedded below) and he talked about the Science of Happiness. A lot of what he said struck a strong chord with me and it got me reflecting on how we lead our lives and how society seems to be influencing the way we lead it.

What is our definition of happiness? To me, happiness is just an ideal that in today’s society is impossible to achieve. This is simply because whenever we reach the end point of what we thought true happiness is going to be like, we shift that goal upwards and work towards another level of happiness without really cherishing what we have achieved. So as a result, we are never truly happy because we keep working towards a goal which is essentially a moving target.

This coupled with the fact that our brains are naturally wired to see the negativity in things before the positives amplifies the fact that we will never be happy with whatever we get. It is also so much easier to judge a person by identifying his flaws first until the person proves his positive side. This is the way that we live in and it is no wonder that there are more and more people killing themselves over problems which they never knew could bring them down.

What do we tie back happiness to? Do we tie it back to career success? Do we tie it back to how much money we make? Or do we tie it back to how many friends we have? Some of us have passions and it is passion for things that keep us going to keep us happy. Social interactions with people makes people feel connected, and that keeps us happy knowing that we are not alone. So is doing the things we have passion for with the people who matter, all that it takes for us to achieve happiness? In most cases yes, but like I said before, we behave in such a way that the end goal to things is essentially a moving target.

Without this mindset in place though, we will never know what our true potential is. It is with this mindset in place that we challenge ourselves to reach the next level of things. It is supposed to be a good thing right? Question is, how we put an upper limit to that and say that we have achieved enough for now and sit to soak in our own success story and “happiness”. Can we be satisfied with whatever little that we have as and when we achieve it?

Life is all about balances and as cliché as it sounds; too much of something is never going to be good for you. Same applies to our pursuit of happiness. When we get too obsessed with going for something and keep changing the finishing line of what we thought could be true happiness, and until we choose to stop this mentality, we will never be too happy. The brain plays a very strong part in influencing any kind of decisions or the way we react towards things when they happen. We are what we tell ourselves to be. What makes you happy eventually?

Empathy vs Sympathy

Em.pa.thy
noun
The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.


Sym.pa.thy
noun
Feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.


A recent event on Twitter, with regards to suicide brought about the compassionate side of people where suddenly regardless of whether one knows the person personally or not, they are all lending a hand to help find said person and stop her from attempting anything foolish.


And then of course you have the other side of the fence who accused her of being all attention grabbing, being selfish for not cherishing life when some out there are struggling to just live and I guess what irks me the most is the part when people go all about their own personal experiences route.


How one chooses to lead one's life, is beyond our control. True.
If one chooses to end living, is beyond our control. True.
But if one chooses to end living then tell me about it, then it is within control.


Many questioned her intentions in doing what she did. I say it is of no fault of hers that she did what she did apart from some minor inconveniences to some of our lives. However, the bigger question here is, whatever happened to human empathy? No doubt it is her choice, her life. But here we have people who don't even know her personally writing her off, giving up on her and condemning her. 


So what if you've been through the route? You, then of all people, should know how hard the struggle is like. So what if you're a "personality" who's seen and experienced suicide of loved ones? You, then of all people, should know how much it hurts for the people around her if that happened.


What she needs, is not your sympathy. What she needs, is some empathy. Can we, as human beings, at least give that to her? For humanity's sake? Please.

Looking at the BIGGER picture

Have you ever been in a situation where you think that everything in life is great except for that one thing (it could be anything which matters to you), and it makes it seem that life somehow just doesn't cut it? I suppose all of us have been through that somewhere along our life's journey and it made me think how it is like to be at the receiving end of it.

You know, friends are sometimes real saviours in such situations. They are always there to hear you whine, complain, etc. but somehow at the end of the day, you go home with the problem still unsolved and still feeling all crappy about it. As a friend, all one could do is empathise with the situation and really try to make that someone feel better, to make him/her happier. Keyword, try. Realistically speaking, regardless of how much you try, there is a certain barrier which you know you will never be able to cross and this sometimes makes the person on the receiving end feel unappreciated (only if your friends are not understanding enough).

How do you avoid such situations? Well for one, acknowledge the time taken by the other party to being there for you. Show appreciation and be absolutely straight with them that you really are thankful for the company. We are all human and we all have feelings. Just because your world is crumbling down, and you're pouring your heart and soul out, doesn't mean that your friends don't have their own set of problems to deal with. They are making time for you on top of their own issues so respect that.

Sometimes all we need to do is really look at the bigger picture. Yes, life sucks. Yes, that one thing is bogging us down. Yes, we are not happy about it.

BUT!

Yes, we also have people around us who bother. Yes, we also have people who care. Yes, our life is indeed more complete than someone else's.

I know this might not be a true reflection of what some of us actually go through but by looking at the bigger picture, one can be more thankful for the things that are happening to their lives. They ought to feel more blessed because ideally, you'd see that all is not lost. So look at the bigger picture and don't lose the plot just yet. There is always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Believe.